Still fresh into my first semester of college, I woke up on a Saturday morning still drunk from the liquor I drank the night before. I’ve never been a liquor person but we drank a lot of it underage because it was quick and to the point. And because it didn’t leave the mess that beer drinking did. The RAs at my school were like vultures ready to prey on the drunk…so we always had to watch our backs. With the reputation we had, planning ahead was essential because those fuckers were all over us like flies on shit.

My partner in crime, who I had just met a few weeks earlier, came to my room and asked me if I was interested in going for a ride. The younger, more wreckless version of me never had any objections when it came to doing stupid shit, so I was in. Before we left I chugged some liquor and used the rest to make a mixer for the road.

We were on our way to visit The Doctor. He was an associate of my friend and specialized in the Import/Export business. The Doctor lived with his mom and his bedroom was located on the top floor of their suburban home. I’ve never met anyone in the Import/Export business before so when I walked into his room I thought it was the coolest thing ever. If you’ve shopped in a World of Science store before when you were little, this is exactly what this kid’s room looked like. The Doctor had all kinds of crazy gadgets and toys. Anyway, he gave my friend a bag of what I could only presume to be Skittles and we were on our way back home.

Later that night we bunkered up in my buddy’s dorm room, and it was clear to me that nobody had ever had eaten Skittles before. Hours went by before someone manned up and went first and then everyone else quickly followed suite. We decided as a group before we left the building that it would be in our best interest to be as inconspicuous as possible.

We went for a walk outside and waited for our Skittles to digest. It only took 15 minutes before we were the exact opposite of inconspicuous. We engaged every person we saw in heart to heart conversations, chain smoking cigarette after cigarette. Even people I normally go out of my way to avoid…I now considered my best friend. We stood out like deer in headlights.  Thankfully, one of us realized this and made the executive decision to get back to the room immediately because we had no business being out in public.

I wish I could say something crazy happened but the truth is we locked ourselves in the room and stayed there all night. The funniest thing that happened that night was my friend thinking he had lockjaw and then he convinced the rest us he had lockjaw and we believed him. We freaked out for a while even though nobody knew what the fuck lockjaw was.

The Second Time I Ate Skittles…now that’s a different story.