Beach Week.  Fun stuff.   I never thought it was possible to go to the beach for seven days and come home with less of a tan than you went with.  Absolutely possible.  In fact, pretty easy.

Up until this point of the vacation, we had only left the room under the cover of the night sky.  We figured it was time to venture out to the beach and see if we could line up some new recruits.  As soon as we hit the sand it was apparently obvious why we decided to spent the last couple of days in the room.  The beach is no place to be when you’re on a three day drinking binge.   Just as we’re leaving the beach to return to the safety of our room, we run into a hottie and her grenade friend…

 She had a pretty face and a smokin’ body.  She must have been wasted because I don’t know why she was talking to us.  She said if we walked with her back to her hotel room she’d get us drunk.  My friends being the assholes they are…said they’d rather walk two feet back to our room and get drunk by themselves.  Thanks guys.

I was pretty into this girl at this point so I convinced one of my friends to go with me and we walked what had to be 5 miles down the boardwalk back to her hotel room.  It’s amazing what you’ll do for a hot chic if you think you’re going to get some butt.  Actually, it’s amazing what some people do in general to get some butt…hot or not.

We got drunk and we talked about what we were going to do later on that night.  She said she wanted to have a party but didn’t know anybody at the beach.  We told her we would take care of the people if she provided the alcohol.  Compromising 101.

So we headed back to her hotel room later on that night with a huge group of people, as promised.  My friends made themselves at home like usual and I started talking to the hot girl again.  Things were going great, which is never the case, and we somehow ended up in the bathroom together.  The conversation took a weird turn  and next thing you know she asked me how many people I’d been with.  I don’t know why but saying I was a virgin was the first thing that popped into my head.  I told her zero.

This must have been the answer she was looking for.  She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door and down to the beach.  Before I could even say “just kidding,” we were well on our way.   I only lasted about a minute, which I guess is only appropriate considering I’m supposed to be a virgin.  Afterwards, we headed back up to the room and everybody was laughing.  Somebody cracked a joke about how I was only gone for 30 seconds.  It wasn’t that funny.

After all the alcohol was gone everybody left.  I stayed over and my one friend stayed and slept with the grenade in her bed.

When we woke up in the morning everyone felt like shit.  We piled into her car and she drove us back to our hotel.   As we’re walking away she rolled down her window and said, “Heeeyyy…Were you really a virgin?”

 Hungover as shit I said, “No.  I’ll talk to you later.”

-Anonymous