Sometimes no matter what you do, you keep getting shit on.  You gotta know when to cut your losses and when it's time to throw in the towel.  This was one of those vacations...

As soon as I step off of the ferry to Pelee Island, I have to stop to readjust my luggage because the enormous alcohol collection I brought is too much for me to handle at the moment.   When I stop to do this, I’m harassed by several passing girls who are carrying more luggage than I am.  They feel bad for me and we share a cab together.  As I’m trying to redeem myself with my new friends, I inadvertently lead my friend and myself to the wrong hotel.  We have no choice but to walk the rest of the distance in the midday heat to get to where we needed to be.  My suitcase full of 2 cases of beer/half gallon of rum/fifth of vodka/case of water blows a wheel 2 minutes into the walk and I’m forced to drag it the remaining 10 minutes to the hotel.  I arrive drenched in sweat only to discover that a beer has exploded all over everything in my suitcase.

We set up shop in our room and after about two hours of beers and shots, my roommate and I stumble into our much older female neighbors.  We go to their room, start taking shots and after a while my friend is apparently ready to force himself on Neighbor 1, so he slams the neighbor’s door in my face.  I have no choice but to take Neighbor 2 back to my room.  We play some beer pong and have a few more shots but mostly just hook up.  As we’re hooking up, my favorite song comes on.  Lil’ Wayne’s “Drop the World.”  This immediately gets me to the next level.  While she’s still on top of me, I pick her up and try to throw her and myself onto the opposing bed (2 twin bed room).  My footing is nowhere near in the right position to support the weight of two people and I crash hard to the ground.  Still in the air…she smashes her face off of the night stand between the beds and drills her foot off the side of the bed frame.  I’m not sure if it’s the two inch gash on her bottom lip or the blood pouring out of her foot, but she decides she is done hooking up.  I guess Lil’ Wayne was right…”I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head.”

My other friend eventually shows up and things get turned up 10 more notches.  Binge drinking is in full force and I’m ignoring the fact that I feel like certain death is awaiting me if I keep this up.  Early evening comes and my body finally shuts down.  Throwing up and sweating out a fever, I pass out.  My roommates think it would be a good idea to try to make me feel better so being the caring friends they are, flip me and the mattress off the box spring and repeatedly pummel the flipped-over mattress with me trapped underneath.  Operation “Feel Better” is unsuccessful.  I tap out to Pelee Island due to strikes on Day 2 (a combination of dehydration, flu, and possible concussion.)  See hospital picture below:

-Submitted by Anonymous