Submitted by Anonymous

I don’t remember what day of the week this took place but I think it was a Sunday because the bar was dead as hell.  Then again most bars are dead as hell at 12 in the afternoon on any given day of the week. 

Myself and three other friends go to a local bar to have a few drinks which immediately turns into let’s take shots and see how fucked up we can get.  Within a minute of being there, we’ve already broken a glass.  It’s going to be one of those days.  We play some pool, break a few more glasses, but mostly just drink our faces off. 

Three o’clock rolls around and everybody is already on a different level.  Next thing I know, my dad shows up and as we’re having a conversation, I’m so drunk I don’t realize that I’m gesturing excessively with my hands as I talk.  Beer is flying out of my mug and is completely coating the bar floor.  The bartender is standing there looking at me in utter disbelief as if she just witnessed a snake eat an entire buffalo.  Unaware of my recent faux pas, I immediately ask for four more shots of Yager.

 I’m not sure if it was the result of this, the broken glasses or the absolute shit storm of a mess my friends made in the booth but the staff made it clear that it was time to leave.  She gives us the check and everybody laughs at her because we don’t have even close to enough money to pay for it.  Why this was funny, I don’t know.  My dad picks up the tab and it’s time to bounce.

So my dad asks if we’re okay to drive and all four people say yes as we carry each other to the car.  Before we head back to the dorm, we decide we need to go to the beer store.  Luckily for us, there is another bar right next to where we are buying beer.  Even luckier for us, rum and cokes are on special for 2 dollars each.  The rum and cokes go down like water and by the time we leave the second bar we’re barely able to function as legitimate human beings.  We finally head back to campus.

On the way home, my friend is driving at an alarming rate of speed. The kind of speed where normally you question if everything is OK.   I’m guessing it was the 20 rum and cokes we just drank, but nobody seemed to care.  As we pull into the student parking lot he gasses it.  Now if I was sober at the time, I would have put two and two together and realized what was about to happen next.  The driver had just recently watched one of the Fast and the Furious movies called Tokyo Drift.  If you’ve seen the movie, you know what’s coming next.  As we’re approaching the turn at the end of the parking lot, he pulls the e-brake but instead of drifting around the turn, we go straight and crash into the curb. The car was fucked, but everybody assured him it looked fine.  All four drunks get out of the car and we watch the driver move it to the closest spot. 

By this point in time the driver of the car and myself had completely forgotten that we were supposed to be at a Wine Tasting Event in about an hour.  We hurry back to the dorm, shower, pound a few beers and the wreck was already a thing of the past.

We show up at this wine tasting party completely obliterated.  I can honestly say I was having trouble seeing.  The beginning of the affair actually went really well.  I even got a girls number from her parents that thought I was the greatest guy ever.  After finishing what seemed like my 100th glass of wine, I go back up to the table for a refill.  The guy running the show tells me that I’m visibly intoxicated and he can’t serve me again.  I disagree and tell him that I can have as many as I want.   They ask me to leave and I tell him the party fucking sucks anyway.  My friend got kicked out shortly after me.

I get back to the dorm and call the chic whose number I had just got off her delusional parents at the wine tasting event.  Surprisingly, she answers.  I tell her she sounds hot and order her to come over to my dorm room immediately.  She takes offense to this and hangs up.  I call her back multiple times until she finally answers again.  She tells me to stop calling her so I give her an ultimatum and say if she doesn’t come over, I’m going to kill her and her family. 

I passed out immediately after this while playing Tiger Woods.  I don’t know if she ever came over or not but I'm willing to bet on no.